“It is no small thing to say that God is Good, and yet we make it so. Could you just as easily say that God has been good to me? It is one thing to say it, and another to experience it first hand. As for me, I can say both with complete confidence and assurance. God IS Good and He has been Good to me.”
6 to 7 weeks ago a new life was given to us. A life that now is growing arms and legs, 100 brain cells a minute, facial features, and may very well have a heart of its own. The cycle of life has begun, the clock has started ticking anew, and I get to behold this wonder called life.
Motherhood has been on my mind a lot lately, well before this miracle occurred. I work with children every week and often daydream about what it would be like to be pregnant, to surprise my parents, family, and friends with the news, and how great a father Aaron will be. It’s like I’m making memories before they happen, or even, making promises with myself, visualizing with my mind what I know will become a reality someday. Amidst the torrent of demonic attacks my mind has faced, this is one pleasant dream that he can’t touch.
I stared down at the test strip in my hand in shock. Aaron asked what was wrong and I just stared at him, a smile pulling at the corner of my mouth. “Two lines! That’s positive!” I said aloud, filling up with both excitement and, to be honest, terror. I’m pregnant, and as wonderful and amazing as that is, it is also a terrifying matter, a strange new territory that I have no choice but to embrace wholly and completely. My body is no longer just “mine”, nor will it be the same body I’ve always known and trusted. An irreversible change is coming…that will change our lives forever.
My family was ecstatic, my friends just as overcome with joy and support, advice, and already, “gifts.” My mom even made a shirt for me that says “coming 2020” with a pumpkin painted on the tummy region. I wore it all Saturday while out with the women of my family in Amish Country, noticing the small stares and smiles as people read it’s meaning. I’m no longer just Riley, I’m carrying someone else within me. Another soul, purpose, and destiny.
Almost constant nausea, bloating, cramps, soreness, and emotional swings haven’t changed my inward acceptance and love toward this new life. I was asked if, as a pregnant woman, I could better understand those who would get an abortion. And though there is a small part of me that understands the inconvenience of all these pregnancy symptoms (I mean honestly, I missed a day of work already due to morning sickness), as a mother…and yes, I am now a mother. I would give my life for this little ball of cells that I’ve never met, never seen, and have yet to even feel.
Why? That is what it means to be a mother. To fully accept that life begins at conception, just as we all began at conception. God has held the keys to my womb for over a year and He chose now for me to carry His newest addition to the world. He knew my child and everything about him or her before they were ever a dream or thought in my mind. I honor and value what He values. And I see all life as a gift from Him.
Our child will do great things in this world, and it is Aaron and I’s dream, that our ceiling will become their floor. We want our children to go even farther in their faith and walk with God, and experience even greater freedom, making their mark on this world, bringing Him glory. I am honored to carry the promises of tomorrow, to bring another warrior of God into the world, who will one day fight in my absence and continue the destiny God has placed on our lives as well as fulfill their own unique call.
God, thank you! I’m truly blessed! And I’m ready for this new season, prepare us, deepen us, grow us so that we will fulfill the plans you have for us and successfully raise our children to follow after you with all their hearts. May your will be done, Father, for you are good and your ways are true…always and forever, amen!