There are alot of things I’m grateful for as we emerge on the other side of this world pandemic. This and pregnancy has forced me to face some fears and lack of trust I still have towards God. What I’ve learned is how grateful I am that He is not done with me yet and won’t be till that fateful day when Christ returns.
I’ve wasted time on my cell, I’ve fallen a few times into the pit of worry or anxiety, I’ve gotten angry and resentful, and I have pulled away from people and God on a few occasions. Some would excuse this behavior as the result of “pregnancy hormones”, but I know better. All those hormones and emotions did was pull my flaws to the surface, my weaknesses.
As motherhood draws near I am even more compelled to change and grow. I don’t even want to go into labor with this fear and honestly chose to believe that I don’t have to suffer through it either. I don’t know to what extent I will be successful, but regardless I will believe that pain and suffering of every kind were paid for in full on the cross.
If God’s will is “on earth as it is in heaven”, and there exists no pain/tears in heaven, than the answer is clear to me what we must seek and believe. These things won’t be possible until we start believing they are God’s will. Our hearts have to reflect His will.
Waiting is the hardest part.
I’ve waited a lot in my life and sometimes it feels like I’m in an endless desert. My mind is tempted to fear in those moments of waiting, and now that I’m 38 weeks pregnant and can go into labor at any time, I feel this temptation to fear again. I keep imagining what I could go through instead of trusting in God and just surrendering to Him and His will. He told me this would be a joyous occasion and oh how faithful He has been so far! Satan has tried to rob this joy from me and has failed many times throughout these 9 months.
I overcome my fear with expectant hope. I’m ready to hold baby James in my arms, to see his face and hear his cries. I’m ready to begin this new chapter and it is that expectant hope that brings me joy.
Everything is coming to a close.
This virus, this cold winter/spring, this pregnancy is coming to an end…and with it a new beginning for us all.
Turn off the news channels, block out the many voices that are trying to pull fear into the future through their declarations. Seek the Lord and His guidence/discernment and you won’t hear Him saying such things, but reminding you of joy and hope.
It’s no secret what the devil is attempting to do, the sad truth is that despite him using the same old schemes, we still fall prey to them. It’s a cycle of rebellion that goes back to the very beginning. We are creatures of forgetfulness and yet our God is always ready to catch us when we fall, and to fight our battles.
He never gives up on us….on you.